Afternoon Pages (7.11.2008)

What is self-improvement and what is self-destruction for you?

For me, self-imfrovement is the broadening out of my knowledge, views, gaining new experience in different spheres of life, changing the circle of acquaintance, changing the place of leaving and spending time. Of course it's also a difficult, sometimes tedious process of getting education. It demands the constant fight with your own lazyness, with your unawareness in some problems, it's the need to surmount the obstacles in order to descover something new, which is the main perpose of education and self-improvement processes.
Sometimes, it's the battle with oyur bad habits, with your character, your temper for the sake of the perfect relationship with the opposite sex or your relatives. I face with the negative side of having an unbearable character very often and I know how it is difficult to change your way of reaction on the events around you, how difficult to change your manner of speaking. So, self-improvement is something that we all want to achieve, but only the lucky ones manage to do this.
As for the self-destruction I can say that it's the opposite process , it's gaining the bad habits not because you really understand that you need to smoke, for example, but when you do it because everybody does it. The funniest and at the same timethe most awful thing about it, that you understand how harmful it influence your health but you can't help but doing it still.
It's also the problem of self-actualization: when your life is a routine, a vicious circle, when you can do nothing but obeying the circumstances. When you don't have the possibility to master your skills, to fill the gaps of your knowledge because the lack of time or money.
I feel sorry for women who sit at home for all their lives, who don't work, don't study, they just get married and look after the baby. Of course, it the greatest thing to have ahusband who is capable to keep the family, but for me this is the utopia.